jeudi 13 septembre 2012

perfect weather to mourn

Yes indeed, just the way I like it : cloudy, rainy, windy and almost cold.

Perfect day for mourning your bad luck while eating white chocolate and sipping mint tea? Yeah !
Some people have ironically asked : '" Mourning is your best activity ? " My answer is : " Got a better alternative? "
For record, it's just a non-permanent state that comes and goes, just like people...It's something that you can't explain, a sort of an odd phenomenon that makes an appearance, quite suddenly. All teary and afraid, yous start doubting your own sanity, behaviors and actions.

What have I done ? Why am I doing this ? What...Why ? 

Indeed, it's something that you can't explain. Helpless and clueless, all you can do is rewinding and trying to find the black hole in the script. <<

You meet people. Unlike yourself, you quickly like and start cherishing these people and within days they are the closest ones to your heart. The kind of friends that you never got the chance to genuinely have. The ones that  only their company would delight you and cheer you up. Time goes by, things get somehow chaotic in your mind, struggling between so many things,  I ended up losing the balance. Following my bloody heart lead me to unwillingly stabbing someone.Twice...

In my entire life, I've never got the intention to hurt or injure anyone. I'd rather hurt my own self than seeing others suffering because of me. Why am I existing for if I enhance such feelings ? I don't..I just can't stand seeing people I know and love going through bad times, because of my damned existence. 

The feeling of losing people is indescribable. You do things and you know that those kind of things will make people get away from you. But you can't help it. You need to live your own life too. I guess I just have to live with remorse and regret. I want to fix things up, but even trials aren't permitted in my case. I've just done so much...

Just quickly ending this bed time story : whatever you do people, make sure to keep the beloved ones close to you ; take a good care of them and don't let them get away from your sight. You might never know when they simply vanish out of your existence. All is void...

I started planning my up-coming getaway. Maybe a year abroad, far away from Africa, in another continent maybe... I haven't got much to do over there anymore. I've done so  much damage already.
Anyway, take care y'all.

Peace !


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